About to shoot a short (very short) film in less than 48 hours, and this resonates a lot. Will probably resonate even more after it's done.
Beautifully articulated essay. Thank you for this, and I do hope you continue making more films, and sharing about it so that others can learn, feel seen, and be encouraged.
Great to hear your thoughts as you approach D-Day aka Director-Day! You will do great. Just find the best in that great outdoor location and let your actors bring it to new places you hadn't even imagined.
Thanks Alan! Yes, I’m really trying to let go of control at this point (which is hard lol). I feel like once the actors are actually in the location, everything will start to feel even more organic. Thanks for reading!
Hard relate! The well-meaning questions, especially... Making a film is a creative gamble, no matter how prepared you are. It comes with a lot of "unseen emotional burden" which isn't spoken about as much as it should be. I haven't made a film for some years because each time it has felt like being kicked in the teeth and asking for another... but, I've finally come back to it, doing it how I want to do it!
Andrew! Yes, “unseen emotional burden” is such a great way to put it. It really had me thinking about all of my favorite filmmakers, and what they had to emotionally endure while directing and making their films. It can become incredibly taxing.
And making a film absolutely can feel like getting kicked in the teeth sometimes. I definitely felt that way last week.
I’m really glad to hear that you’ve come back to filmmaking, and are doing it in your own way, which honestly feels like the only way to do it. Thank you for reading!
Thank you, Victoria! I hope you're feeling better about it all after last week!
I recently read 'Down and Dirty Pictures', which is about 90s Miramax and Redford's Sundance, and there was a line about people's expectations that if you're not a 19 yr old auteur after your first movie then what are you? - And this was back in the 90s/2000s! It's an absolute horror story of the film business, and as I was reading it I kept thinking "I do not want to do it this way". And while the film biz has moved on since the release of this book, there's a lot of "same but worse" compared to present day. More than ever we need to protect ourselves, our wellbeing, not give our movies away to Prime for $500, and cultivate a better way of doing things...
It's a good read, even if it's a "Thank goodness the old way of doing things is dead", because the book is full of horrendous egos (obvs pre-Me Too Weinstein, but also shines a light on what it was like working for Redford). Eye-opening to see how Tarantino behaved once he achieved success, too. It's a fascinating "time-capsule" read.
I can't imagine there's a director who doesn't resonate with this! I'm seeing a connection between all these areas in trusting the "value" of the thing. We can believe and know that if this work gets made, it will be meaningful to those it reaches and meaningful in the process, but first it will encounter 1 million outside forces on its way to getting there. Which makes the whole endeavor -- as I know you know -- an act of tremendous faith. I'm so glad you're making your film.
Emily! This is really well put. I couldn’t have made it this far without your feedback, friend. The “1 million outside forces” is too real. Sick of them lol.
And I’m also so glad that you’re making your film!
Thank you for this piece. I've worn many hats and being a director comes with such emotional challenges that are not immediately obvious. I've produced others' first-time features and have tried to prep them about the toll, seeing the naive brightness in their eyes slowly fade and come back again over and over while we fight the battles together. Also hope filming is going well for you, from one Victoria to another! :)
Thank you for reading! It’s so true, the emotional challenges aren’t immediately obvious. Filmmaking is very much a team sport, but there’s also a certain kind of pressure that the director carries alone. I think it’s a part of the process, but it definitely wasn’t something I was prepared for. Really appreciate you reading and sharing this.
The waiting is the hardest part, all the work that has to be put in before you get to actually make the thing, work I find so amorphous and intangible and, since we're making films and not a painting or a novel, also reliant on others because of its collaborative nature. When production finally arrives, I think you're going to love it because you have an artist's vision for this project and the ability to communicate it with all the players which is the main job. My only advice after reading your post: stay true to your why.
Thanks, Josh! Wow, yes, all so true. Filmmaking is such an amorphous craft. Staying true to my “why” is huge, and something I need to keep at the forefront of everything.
I couldn’t have gotten this far without you and Emily’s feedback and support. Onward!
Thanks!!! It made me go back to all the frustrations I experienced as a director. I'd say all of them finally resulted in improvement for both the work and my (our) learning process. But still, when frustration hits, oh that's painful. I think my north star is the idea that learning is always more important than getting the product. Thanks for sharing, enjoy the shoot! It can be one of the most incredible experiences 🥳
Thanks, Jada! I really needed that reminder that it’s more about learning through the process than the end result. That’s still very difficult for me.
As a former producer, I sometimes find myself more focused on logistics than the creative, which is something I’m actively trying to shift out of. Thank you for reading!
About to shoot a short (very short) film in less than 48 hours, and this resonates a lot. Will probably resonate even more after it's done.
Beautifully articulated essay. Thank you for this, and I do hope you continue making more films, and sharing about it so that others can learn, feel seen, and be encouraged.
D.L., thank you so much for reading! I’m really glad this resonated. And wow, congrats on almost filming day! I’m excited for you.
You’ll probably have a lot of thoughts once the shoot is over, and I hope you write about them!
Great to hear your thoughts as you approach D-Day aka Director-Day! You will do great. Just find the best in that great outdoor location and let your actors bring it to new places you hadn't even imagined.
Thanks Alan! Yes, I’m really trying to let go of control at this point (which is hard lol). I feel like once the actors are actually in the location, everything will start to feel even more organic. Thanks for reading!
Hard relate! The well-meaning questions, especially... Making a film is a creative gamble, no matter how prepared you are. It comes with a lot of "unseen emotional burden" which isn't spoken about as much as it should be. I haven't made a film for some years because each time it has felt like being kicked in the teeth and asking for another... but, I've finally come back to it, doing it how I want to do it!
Andrew! Yes, “unseen emotional burden” is such a great way to put it. It really had me thinking about all of my favorite filmmakers, and what they had to emotionally endure while directing and making their films. It can become incredibly taxing.
And making a film absolutely can feel like getting kicked in the teeth sometimes. I definitely felt that way last week.
I’m really glad to hear that you’ve come back to filmmaking, and are doing it in your own way, which honestly feels like the only way to do it. Thank you for reading!
Thank you, Victoria! I hope you're feeling better about it all after last week!
I recently read 'Down and Dirty Pictures', which is about 90s Miramax and Redford's Sundance, and there was a line about people's expectations that if you're not a 19 yr old auteur after your first movie then what are you? - And this was back in the 90s/2000s! It's an absolute horror story of the film business, and as I was reading it I kept thinking "I do not want to do it this way". And while the film biz has moved on since the release of this book, there's a lot of "same but worse" compared to present day. More than ever we need to protect ourselves, our wellbeing, not give our movies away to Prime for $500, and cultivate a better way of doing things...
100% agree. We really do need to cultivate a healthier and more sustainable way of making films. Also adding that book to my reading list!
It's a good read, even if it's a "Thank goodness the old way of doing things is dead", because the book is full of horrendous egos (obvs pre-Me Too Weinstein, but also shines a light on what it was like working for Redford). Eye-opening to see how Tarantino behaved once he achieved success, too. It's a fascinating "time-capsule" read.
I can't imagine there's a director who doesn't resonate with this! I'm seeing a connection between all these areas in trusting the "value" of the thing. We can believe and know that if this work gets made, it will be meaningful to those it reaches and meaningful in the process, but first it will encounter 1 million outside forces on its way to getting there. Which makes the whole endeavor -- as I know you know -- an act of tremendous faith. I'm so glad you're making your film.
Emily! This is really well put. I couldn’t have made it this far without your feedback, friend. The “1 million outside forces” is too real. Sick of them lol.
And I’m also so glad that you’re making your film!
Man do I feel a lot of this! Those points about patience and caring are beautifully put - and so, so true.
Alex, thank you for reading! I know you’re deep in pre-production too. We’re definitely in this together
Between this and your post for Ted Hope, I'm just gonna outsource all my feelings about this process to you so far, you seem to be nailing them...
"There is so much waiting as a director."
Thank you for this piece. I've worn many hats and being a director comes with such emotional challenges that are not immediately obvious. I've produced others' first-time features and have tried to prep them about the toll, seeing the naive brightness in their eyes slowly fade and come back again over and over while we fight the battles together. Also hope filming is going well for you, from one Victoria to another! :)
Victoria! Great name, by the way :)
Thank you for reading! It’s so true, the emotional challenges aren’t immediately obvious. Filmmaking is very much a team sport, but there’s also a certain kind of pressure that the director carries alone. I think it’s a part of the process, but it definitely wasn’t something I was prepared for. Really appreciate you reading and sharing this.
Exactly! I feel all of it, too. Thank you for sharing, you're not alone!
The waiting is the hardest part, all the work that has to be put in before you get to actually make the thing, work I find so amorphous and intangible and, since we're making films and not a painting or a novel, also reliant on others because of its collaborative nature. When production finally arrives, I think you're going to love it because you have an artist's vision for this project and the ability to communicate it with all the players which is the main job. My only advice after reading your post: stay true to your why.
Thanks, Josh! Wow, yes, all so true. Filmmaking is such an amorphous craft. Staying true to my “why” is huge, and something I need to keep at the forefront of everything.
I couldn’t have gotten this far without you and Emily’s feedback and support. Onward!
Thanks!!! It made me go back to all the frustrations I experienced as a director. I'd say all of them finally resulted in improvement for both the work and my (our) learning process. But still, when frustration hits, oh that's painful. I think my north star is the idea that learning is always more important than getting the product. Thanks for sharing, enjoy the shoot! It can be one of the most incredible experiences 🥳
Thanks, Jada! I really needed that reminder that it’s more about learning through the process than the end result. That’s still very difficult for me.
As a former producer, I sometimes find myself more focused on logistics than the creative, which is something I’m actively trying to shift out of. Thank you for reading!
Oh it's the hardest thing to remember!! Thank you for writing!!!
Punch Doubt in the face! You are doing great!
Thank you for the support Michael!!